Wednesday, June 10, 2009

A Post With a Tie In

I'm pretty excited because 1) it's been forever since I've blogged and I actually came up with something that I think you will want to weigh in on and 2) that I have an actual tie-in because I've been so lazy and watching awful TV all week.

As you know, my life has become "all things wedding" - you know, between bitching about work and going to book club. While surfing the knot at work (shuddup), I noticed a link to a groom's site called "the plunge." It sounded interesting, so I checked it out.

Most of the advice was pretty right on. For example, including a female friend in the wedding and fighting to have that friend in the wedding. Unless you've slept with her. Then no. Not even if the bride to be says it's okay. It will NEVER be okay. Well done The Plunge.

Then I moved onto the article about the groomsmen responsibilities. One of which is making sure that the groom doesn't cross "the cheating line" at the bachelor party. The article linked to other articles that explained certain areas in detail. Such as exactly where that cheating line is. It basically ranked different types of cheating - and the author indicated that his threshold is kissing. Kissing is definitely cheating. But innocent flirting wasn't. He also ranked having sex with a random girl as worse than having sex with a stripper. Which, I also agree with. I mean, sex with a real girl could lead to something like a relationship. Sex with a stripper leads you to the poor house.

Of course, the next link was too - I cheated, now what?! Okay, so ideally, your groom to be wouldn't cheat. But, the article talks about how depending on what line was crossed, how the groom should handle it. Most of the advice was to "let it lie" (read: don't tell). I was horrified. But then I thought about it some more. I'm definitely not condoning it, nor am I giving someone permission to have one last fling - but really, I can see where not much good would come from telling the bride about an indiscretion that was a one-time, alcohol induced mistake.

And the other side of me says, he better tell her. And she better kick him in the balls.

I think the real problem is that if he cheated, (a one-time dumb thing), at a bachelor party...there are too many other people who know about it for it to remain a secret forever. It's just not possible. Someone will tell their wife/girlfriend and word will get back to the bride, and then oh crap will there be hell to pay! Besides, if anyone else knew about it, and the bride found out later, she'd feel like everyone's been looking at her like she's an idiot. If there were guarantees in life, one of which being that no one will ever find out that you were a scumbag, then I'd agree to let it lie. Especially if it were just a kiss. Don't do it. But if you do, don't tell us.

For example, on Paris Hilton's My New BFF (see! awful TV!), Paris had her BFF Wannabees throw a bachelor party for one of her friends. During the party, one of the girls "beat him with her vagina" in the worlds most puke-evoking lap dance; while another girl kissed the groom after he bellowed to the crowd "I need one last REAL GOOD kiss."

They revealed their indiscretion to his fiance the next morning in a "walk of shame" meeting where they berated the kissing wannabee. Needless to say, the Fiance was NOT HAPPY. She accepted the girl's apology and told him "they have some things to talk about." THIS, would have been a good time to not have the whole thing on tape. You could have just let it go. I mean, the fiance had to be pretty clueless considering she is/was going to marry a guy who is FRIENDS WITH PARIS HILTON. A guy who's bachelor party was thrown by Paris Hilton. THIS was perhaps your first of several clues that maybe this guy wasn't marriage material.

So tell me - where do you fall in this debate?

Also - disclaimer - this has nothing to do with what Mark may or may not have planned for his bachelor party. He and his friends are all good guys, and I don't anticipate him needing to refer to these articles except for entertainment. :)


Jess said...

I don't know. I think the whole idea that the bachelor's party is "anything goes, up to a line" is just ridiculous anyway. Just because he was drunk and it was a bachelor's party doesn't mean that it's OK. Being drunk isn't an excuse or an explanation; all drinking does is let down your inhibitions so you can do what you wanted to do anyway. I'd be pissed, and I'd want to know.

Freckle Face Girl said...

The fact that the bachelor was the one to announce that he needed a real kiss would also be a good indication that he needed to be kicked to the curb.

I am probably down on the whole marriage thing at this point (cheating wasn’t our problem though), but almost any indiscretion from kissing on would mean that it wasn’t “meant to be.” As far as anything more than kissing, I would have to say definitely a good time to rethink this marriage thing. There are many steps between flirting, leaning, kissing, hugging…. Until the deed is done. At any time it could have been stopped. If it wasn’t, bachelor party or no bachelor party/drunk or not drunk I’d say it is OVER.

Mrs. F said...

I am never one to condone cheating.

That being said, I also believe that if you have cheated, you should let sleeping dogs lie. It is not going to make anything better by telling your spouse or spouse-to-be that you did cheat!

This is a really tough subject. I have a friend who cheated on his wife (no sex) and told her EVERY time. It just hurt her more, and I am sure she would have rather NOT known about it (she has said so). But I do not think that a bachelor party is an excuse to go out and have "one last fling"...*sigh*

Carrie said...

I think bachelor/bachelorette parties are overrated. I wouldn't want one.

I trust Adam 100% but if he did, I certainly wouldn't want to know on my wedding day. So I agree with completely.

Vanessa said...

To me, cheating is cheating no matter what or when it happens. If it ever happened to me I'd be livid pissed, but I'd want to know and be told at the appropriate time, meaning, not during the reception.

Lindsey said...

I am so torn on this. AHHHH I mean, it kind of starts eating me up inside just thinking about it.

AHHHH I don't know if I would want my fiance to tell me!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHH I guess I'm lucky I'm with a good guy who I know didn't cheat. BUT WHAT IF HE DID?!! LOL